A Dance unto happiness!

Yesterday was an eventful day...! It was "Entreunos", our college non resident women culturals and I was participating in solo dance and solo singing competetions. I was excited to the peak as I was performing after a long time and I could almost see my nerve ends split with excitement! I was so energetic the whole day thinking about the evening and was jumping around the college. My friends came to me asking,"Are u dancing this evening buddy?" And I was wonderstruck at their guess but I realised I was extraordinarily active and that was behind their guessing! I gleamed in joy and revised the steps mentally each and every second. Last year I had won the first prize for solo dance. I had performed a classical number and this time I was looking fwd to performing something different, a fusion of both western and classical for the instrumental pieces from Slumdog Millionaire! ( not again na!) lols! I had practised like crazy and I had a special zorro's eye mask ordered for the first half of the dance. My theme was " A return to originality"! On the evening before yesterday's, I had realised that my make up kit was near empty and I went shopping. Oh man! The pride of getting your things with your own money. . .nothing like that! But I made sure I did not float in the pride as I was crossing my fingers and praying that everything should go well the next day! The day dawned and I had danced till about 12:30 on the previous night (Ya. . I know what u r thinking! That's me and my love for dancing for u guys!) Like. . I could not get up that morning lol . . but I woke up at the crack of dawn( which I never do) and was still dancing away to glory! I am sure my parents and my neighbours would have thought that something had gone wrong with me cos I was constantly playing the same track again and again. I got dressed for the dance with the help of my friend Tinku. Tinku I love you ! U were such a sweetheart! But has anything happened in my life without getting the freakin hell outta me?!! Ya that's where the whole adventure began! I wanted to check if my audio cd was playing well on the college audio system ( I always do that and make sure things are perfectly fine befor my performances). The cd slipped in silently and I was waiting for my friends who were with me to scream in excitement when they hear the track! I wanted it to be a surprise and so had not told them the name of the track when they had asked me! For the first few mins there was no sound.."Taking time to load" I thought aloud. . .The next minute passed and still there was no sound. . .I told the guy who was in charge of the music system to take the cd out and put it in again. I could see he was getting imapatient. I was fully decked and I could feel my heart in my throat! I prayed to all the lords in the world so that some sound came out of my cd. . .Still silence. . . heart breaking silence . .I found that silence could mean dreadful, nerve wreckin, and. . .My friends looked at me helplessly and I was still looking at the audio system wondering why my cd did not produce any sound like how it did all those days when I practised with it. "Chill. . If the cd does not work I won't dance, that's all guys. It's not like I am never gonna get chances in life anymore" I said coolly trying to keep myself calm and steady. . My friends held me and I said I was ok. When all their attention was on me and all my attention was on god the first few magical beats of the maestro's music came out of the audio system! We were startled for a moment! I did not hear anymore of Rahman's music cos we were screaming our lungs out! My cd was just fine! The next thing I did was thank god almighty for restoring my dreams to me! And then things went on smoothly..My turn to dance..I danced...I enjoyed every bit of the time on stage, used the stage to my heart's content, sweated my body out to entertain the audience and finally it was over. I was so satisfied, contented and happy. My freinds left. I went to change and then the others danced. I was among the audience and had great fun cheering the other dancers. The whole auditorium was echoing my happiness! Finally the results came and when my name was announced for the first prize I was the only one screaming for myself! Pride. . . The joy of winning . . .The pride of cheering for myself. . Nothing like that! Hard work pays! The next minute I was surrounded by many who came to congratulate me! I floated in the magical moments finally! Chow!

Bloggers in full swing. . .But what is it that they come up with?

Another hot day but I guess the intensity was lower today..However I was just reading a couple of blogs that I happened to see by chance and I found a major difference in the language of the corporates and we literary ppl!! Oops literally litterring us, wasn't that!! Awrite allitteration. . .whatever. . .! Poetic language vs plain yet forceful prose I guess. Worsdworthian followers will argue for the universal appeal that poetic language renders but today the terms of judgements are turning topsy turvy. I am sure no one wants poetry anymore! But language plays an important role more than the literature in it in the recent times. I am happy that there are many bloggers these days with good command over the language but somehow I did not have a sense of belonging when I read them. Not that you must have that kind of a feeling but that trait is there in almost every neurotic poet!! Can't help it! And what do they write on? Guys write about girls and girls write about guys and what's the point that they are making? Never waste time on the opposites!? Bahh! I tell you, just go back to Darwin's theory of evolution, to Thiruvalluvar's mind boggling lines of wealth of knowledge, to the epics and everything that spoke of the instinctual liking for the opposites! I agree that we need not overdo things when a girl or a guy passes by us but just "Be yourself" and you will get the best partners! Alright why am I even explaining?! And about tips to get boy frens and gal frens, and warnings against the same, And then now it is Slumdog Millionaire by all ...Bloggers should come up with somethin new rather than give out what has already been discussed or what is already known to everyone through a series of generations! I wish they "Share their daily life experiences" more than talking about stuff that's already cooked and eaten well by all! For all you know you may be the creator of something extraordinary!! Chow!

The summer heat is in. . .

The Summer heat has started in Chennai and this afternoon I did the greatest mistake of trying to save 25 rs and walked home instead of going in an auto. I had sipped a soft drink at the railway station to cool me down and moisten my parched lips. And so I went walking in the thought that the soft drink would work till I get home. By the time I reached home I was exhausted and the only thing I wanted to do was CRASH! And that's what I did after drinking a bottle full of water. I woke up to a severe burning sensation within me and I could not sit or stand or walk. I drank cold milk and sat under the shower for about half an hour and only then I felt better. The dreadful summer has already brazed out its harmful tentacles and I was it's first catch, I assume! Horrible summer day! But the worst is yet to come so all you chennaiites pls take precautions and get prepared to face the blaze! Chow!

In my shell. . cosy and comfortable. . .

Today I was reading my project novel right from the morning till evening forgetting food and water..Dil gira dafatan in the background..I would have listened to it atleast 200 times ..I rewound times again..A.R is mind boggling..I wonder how humans could create such music.. He must have descended right down fom the heavens above! I was very apprehensive of my surrounding today as the house was full again after a long "comfortable" gap..Now I understood why I clung to my book all day long till evening..It was my only means to remain in my shell..something that I have never done in my life, and that which I enjoy doing now and dare not to go out of the boundary it draws around me. . .

Thoughts stirred. . .

It is true indeed that we are all beggars begging for alms from others under the supreme power of the creator who posseses all wealth..It is scary as it questions the idea of our very existence! However it is the ideal pathway to achieve wealth...i.e enlightenment of the mind, body and soul. Purity is the ultimate jewel a human being can get if he or she chooses to serve himself or herself and thereby serve god. People say you sometimes can see god in others. I saw god in a child as I sat in the park near my home musing upon life's movement from the past till the present. Divine smile. . .And then I realised that Ilayaraja's song pichaipathiram was flashing across my mind. Athanai selvamum un idathil naan pichaiku povadu evvidathil..Amazing lines that stirred my thoughts for a while this evening. . .and hence the blog!

A rainbow outside my window!!

Today I organised my day well that I actually had food on time! ..Thrice a day! I was surprised and happy at my development ..I had dance practise in the evening and it was so refreshing..Last evening I found I could not even move after a few steps but today I did a good job..We choreographed bout half the song and I was happy. .I had my eye mask ordered..Oh by the way I have a programme on the 26th and Im gearing up for it..! Went to the temple this evening and thanked god for the sudden but good turn of events as I had expected this to be a bad day!!! Got a seminar tomo..Like...this one is about behaviorism theory in English language teaching and I have no clue about it though I have been handling students for the past few months!!! But I've prepared well kinds...Well as of now I can see a rainbow after those slow depressing showers!! Hope it stays on!! Chow!

Just me and Iron maiden . . . !!!! Awessssome is the word!!!!!!!!!!

And so...!!! A glorious century made by me today..This is my 100th blog !!!!!!! and im having a blast over here!..Just me and iron maiden!..nothing like RRRRRRock music which lifts u up from all ur weakness and sets ur dampened soul on fire..! Shiny thanks for referring to the iron maiden! Im loving it..A new wakening to life from the loooooong hibernation!!!! I dint realise it all these days ..I was so much into it and now im planning to soar up..Soar up with full strength..beat all odds in life and get all of it done!! And I am gonna fight this out myself...With just my spirit for support...Come what may! . . . Cheers to me!!!!

The little girl in the rain. . .

I can still remember the little girl,
Out there in the rain,
Happy that her tears were not seen,
Shivering to her bones,
Out in the wild night,
The night did not scare her,
It was the blurred sight of her loved one going away,
That scared her.
He left her in the darkness,
Confident that she would find her way.
He was so right,
Just to himself.
Little that she was,
She turned around to spot a pebble to play,
No pebbles to be found around, she turned to see,
If any orphan pup would be found in the rain,
Like the one found in all fairy tales,
No pup to be found, she ran about in the muddy puddles,
Splashing water, this time on no one,
but herself. . .
The water dripped off her white sleeves,
And the ends of her petticoat,
And her lovely baby hair that hung til her shoulders,
And so did that blurred sight. . .

Thinkin hard on a tiry evening. . .

Everyone thinks that marriage should happen only between a man and a woman..Here they think of it only in physical terms...i.e man needs a woman or vice versa. We miserably fail to think it in terms of emotions where in one needs a partner to share ones feelings. Marriage is a word that has deep meaning in it. It means sharing a true bondage for a lifetime. This bondage could be with anyone or anything, be it human or animal. A partner for life can be the profession you have chosen, a pet dog or cat, or even an inanimate thing that could make you move ahead amidst all the crap of this materialistic world! It is true that a man and woman should be physically satisfied but it can happen only when there is complete surrender that blossoms out of pure love. If it is not so we are never going to enjoy anything in life with that partner. It is sin to get committed to someone for a lifetime through marriage and then not keep up to that committment. Though problems might seem to be passing clouds in a married life, for some individuals enlightenment of the fact that they can never reciprocate feelings back to their partner would have dawned upon them at some turning point in life even before getting married. Everything is a phase. People who are hard hearted could suddenly turn the opposite and VICE VERSA. However the traits in their genes when they were born or rather when they were inside their mother's womb would never be replaced by another trait or traits, try as hard as they might. But change occurs and maybe some are comfortable with it and some may go back to the old ways. It all depends on what kind of life they want and how they feel in that life. There are cases where they are drowned and lost in emotions and risen in life in becoming the opposite. Life is teaching new things daily. It is experiences that make us move ahead in life and make us take decisions in life. Emotions are there in everyone and it is the key factor to living a healthy stable life but it can be related to anyone or anything in this world, not necessarily to someone in the opposite sex through marriage. Marriage is the union of two souls..But remember music has soul, animals have soul, every belief has a soul it it..Its not just human beings that have soul..! This does not mean that I am against marrying! It is the duty of every writer to bring out the truth to the society which is unfortunately, decaying without realising it!

"Sentenced to live"- How true. . .

As I was flipping through the pages of the Hindu paper this morning I caught sight of a fabulous heading.."SENTENCED TO LIVE"..It was about the film Naan Kadavul..The caption disturbed me for a long time, but what attracted me was the sense that was incorporated in it which could be viewed for both sides of the coin of life. It could be a positive where the one is specially chosen and sentenced to live to destroy adharma in the materialistic world or it could be negative where one is caught up in the worldly existence and has no way of escape from it.. Sometimes we are just forced to live this life which we think is meaningful. There is this position where you realise that all your life you have lived for others and feel bad for it. But since you have been living like that you have got accustomed to it and you now try to forgo your ego that you cannot live for yourself but whoaa..... you realise that you cannot do that...you just cant get to live anymore for others nor can you live for yourself now. Forgiveness is the virtue of god..Im human..That's what I call being sentenced to live!

What did I think on a lazy afternoon?

As I lay on my bed this afternoon, I wanted to have a glimpse of the world just outside my window ...From the sights, I realised that it had been quite sometime I did that!..The coconut tree swayed itself in dismay..It had no strength to brave the strong wind...or maybe even the gentle breeze too, it was dwindling in every sense..But what amused me the most was the two inmates of the old, sick and ready to fall, poor tree..A crow couple..Both jet black ... supposed to be a good omen.."Two for joy" they call it..Probably those creatures saw me looking at them and sighed saying, "One for sorrow"!!!! Well, U'll never know!! The world for you is just your perception..Others around you could have their own perception, be it humans or....crows!!!

Danny Boyle and A.R..amazin work..!

Slumdog Millionaire makes me think I should have been born in the slums out there..not cos I wld become a milllionaire someday like Dev, but what an adventurous life!!!!! No time to think bout what U dont have..! Always on the look out for something new..sometimes its food, sometimes its shelter..Once again I fall at your feet god A.R.Rahman!! His music does something to my soul !!

Trial and error method. . .

Today I had invited friends home..just to try out and see if i could feel happy when they are around..Yes all of them were happy.. except me..I laughed with them, cooked for them, entertained them as the goody goody hostess..but that emptiness was not letting me go..the day ended and I was back to square one..Tomo onwards back to college...again no excitement despite having people who considers me important out there..Somehow lost trust in every human being..I tried reading the materials my prof sent across to me but no luck..i just could not read beyond seven words..And the seven words that I read, I dint understand. . .Been getting job offers from outside Chennai..felt the itch to make good my escape from all familiar things and beings...This is getting nowhere..

Lines for accompanying the lonely. . .

Tu hain yahan, tu hai wahan,

meri nazar jaaye jahaan,

tujhe chahti hoon kis tarah,

Mein janoo naa ke kis tarah..

saayapan ki rehti hoon,

har dam mein tere peeche,

kehti hoon koi pooche,

hui hui mein . .. .!!!

Lovely lines for the lonely beings. . .!!

What exactly is this??!!

With no one around you, with music flowing from the system, with just daylight entering your room through the windows to give you company, when you still feel you are in crowd with just these, what do you call that feeling? No one at home..that was what I wanted, and I am so happy, beyond words, but I still feel i'm not left alone..That bliss of solitude that I expected to wade in is nowhere...I can hear the sound of the mob charging against me, with stones, with words, with stares of total indifference, with smiles flashing now and then that has countless connotations...But I enjoy the show sitting in one corner of my cotless room..Seems like I have a lot of space to dance about, to do what I want, but I just sit in the corner and watch the show as the seconds and the minutes pass . . . !

Trainer. . .

Today I began my career as a trainer.. Felt very happy, but some kind of an emptiness which held me from drowning in my happiness. Positive sign of course but i did not like it..As I signed the voucher to get my cash I felt no excitement surge through, as though my toil meant nothing.. However I was satisfied with my job and got a lot of friends ( students). There were students from all over Tamil Nadu as well as places like South Africa too.. And then one of my juniors from school too!.. I know that by now the news wld have spread to everyone at school.. Small world we live in! There were mischievous guys , one or two of them..They could not stop from showing heroism when a young trainer ahem...whatever..! I am beginning to lose words for prose...Better stop it for now..Darkness engulfs...oops..chow!

There is a world around you. . .

The inner voice provokes me,

Keep to your world, win and float in the winning,

Comfort within the walls of your room,

Not within the walls of your heart,

There is a beginning for every end,

And an end to every beginning,

Stars that shone and guided my way through,

Have gone on errands for others,

Forgetting that I am beginning to lose my way in the darkness,

Birds that sang songs to make me sleep,

Have now flown to the fair,

Forgetting that i have woken up and I am now looking around,

Flowers that amused me are now wound in satin ribbons,

In bouquets for the worthy ones,

Forgetting that I am the owner, the rightful one,

Even tears which once flowed down my cheek,

Now refuse my irresistable offers.

Pleasure in thousand forms come before me,

They seek me, they crave for me, they want me to plunge into them,

Now the inner voice strenghtens, in tone and power,

It says yield, with forceful contempt,

It asks me to look at myself,

But it cannot overpower the beginnings,

And it will never overpower the beginnings. . .

Life with the lifeless. . .

She wants to be alone,all by herself, just the wall, her haircut and the tune in her lips
But not others around her,
She was the doll of every eye,
But how does it change when she suddenly turns old?
Old enough to look out for herself,
Old enough for living a life amidst reality,
Out of fantasies, out of imaginations,
And that's when the truth dawns on her,
The illusion..The depth of love, care, cleverness, affection,
Those wide smiles, open arms that welcomed her and the cute hugs,
That familiar warmth in which was wrapped a bag of lies,
Which blinded her big eyes, her big dreamy eyes,
Where's the one who gave her peace in the form of a lifeless bear?
Where's the one who gave her peace in the form of a dangling cockroach?
Where's the one who gave her peace in the form of words written on water?
Where's the one who gave her peace in the form of loads of books?
Where's the one who showed her the ripon building?
Where's the one who gave her peace in the form of red red flowers?
Where's the one who gave her peace in the form of a blue ribbon?
No she forgets. . .The red ribbon, NOOOO ...the green ribbon.
Yes the green ribbon. . .which held her pony tails when she went to school
They were all beautiful to her big dreamy eyes,
Not the ones, but what they gave and what they showed,
Those sights and experiences. .
And so she reaped the benefit of seeking solace from lifeless things,
The benefit of relying on the lifeless things forever,
A life with the lifeless. . .
You can talk, they never talk back,
You can hurl them down, and they still remain yours,
You can cry and they won't show a different face nor spew venom,
You can tel nice things and stare at their constant faces,
Ah! Now that's the word, "Constant"...
That which we humans are not, the lifeless are..
She loves this life.. . with the lifeless. . .
She has a weapon against the bag of lies. . .a deadly weapon that spews not venom, but love!

For you son. . .

What do u do when your son is lying before you?

Who's flesh is your flesh. ..

He lies showing his back to you, he is sleeping,

His bare body tempts u to slit that pointed knife?

U cld draw vengeance there and it wil be coloured by itself,

No use of paint or brush is needed. .

A sense of triumph? You await it..that second when the blood will ooze out,

But when you end up rustling his hair instead..

What is in you? He sleeps in peace,

Letting a faint smile cos he knows he is secure in your love,

Now you think you can do it, When he smiles,

That wil be pure vengenace, letting him die when he smiles,

You admire the contours of your fair palm on his dark hair,

Every rustle brings forth more temptation , to kill,

You hear the swish of the weapon, the violin too,

And then the sweet voice of your daughter,

Yet all what you can do is wait for the slit that will end the sorrows,

Both yours and his..