Second confession. . .That's what My Phd is going to be about. . lols!

Each day I go to watch trains.. the sight of the train coming to the platform brings new hope..every new train is a ray of hope..and then when it waits on the platform I think it waits for me. . . to get away from all the materialistic side of life..and then I feel so good to relish its sight.. the smell of iron is like a fragrance..anything dirty also appears so nice..and then the blowing of the horns.. the signal that its time for my lovely train to go..and then it pulls away from me ..slowly..but I cld still see it..the compartments and the ppl who are in it but then not for long.. cos it pulls away quickly that I can vaguely see anything..and then I get to see the last part where the guard waves the green flag..the green flag symbolising that my sorrows wil remain evergreen always..and then it disapears into thin air..then an emptiness..a lovely emptiness that fills my very nerve and blood with blissful pain..the same pain I experienced wen the loveliness in my life ended in the past..and then I wait..for the next lovely thing..my lovely train..but I know this will also go away but I still look fwd to it..I look fwd to the loveliness and the blissful pain that will follow...the smell of rust fills me with joy..I love rust..rust which no one likes..which no one thinks is good..which everyone thinks is useless...but I take pride in waiting for it though everyone thinks I am off world..im proud to be off world...I am going now to be known as the girl who is off world...

From the Glaciers of the past!!

No one, not even the rain has such small hands. . Cummings' and Tennesse Williams' wonderful combination in 'The Glass Menagerie'. . Memories come rushing in...Won't call it haunting this time..Its a perennial river, lasting forever, never yielding to changes, be it twists or turns, plains or valleys, rocks or pebbles..It has a source and a course..The unicorn that symbolises uniqueness can also symbolise abnormality..Its in the eyes of the perceiver. . .Its evergreen, ever strong, ever stubborn, ever not willling.. TO LET ME GO. . Chow!

No rewinds and no fast forwards..Just "Change". . .

Change is the only permanent thing in life... What if permanency never changed?! Sometimes we wish certain things never changed.. Now if there was a rewind button to life, we would be happy and go ahead without worries cos we always have the past to travel back to. . .However at other times we just don want to get stuck with something that we dont like..A bad patch of life for instance..and that's when the we crave for a fast forward button..We wish we grew up so that we need not have to deal with it.. I remember I wished to grow up soon to become an English teacher so that I need not have to deal with Maths classes when I was in the eigth grade!! Truly Bonkers!! So again "Change"! We cant escape it, can we? I am tempted to quote the Ernest Hemingway, who said "I can sum up what life is in just three words, 'It goes on'! On that note lemme say Chow!

Stooping. .

The first bloom, the second bloom and then the third..
Too exhausted in the splendour, she rode her little pony
The sights too sugary and the smells too exotic,
Love is a red red rose, fed with the blood of the two,
Too exhausted in the empty splendour she rode her pony. . .

The Grand Finale!

The last exam..the last line tat I drew in my answer sheet suggesting the end of the grand finale...The last day at college..but everything remained the same..a feeling that I am going to be here again afterall..I did not feel that I was going away and though my friends insisted that I stay on to exchange kisses and hugs I silently made my way home to collapse in my room for I was famished and wrung out cos of the events and my night-ups! I was glad I was done with my exams..Planning on attending some summer workshops..Need to do some re-creation work! Got to steal my way to Kerala atleast for a week..Its been quite sometime now. Apply for Mphil here at my lovely lovely MCC! Go out with friends! Make up for all those times I refused their offers to go out with them! Awrite awrite I said Im coming! Phew! Write something if I get time. . Etc..Nice plans for the holidays but they have to be implemented ..Now that's the tough part! Chow!

Incessant Outpour. .

Life , a four letter word with endless definitions and to live , a verb with endless explanations. The walk down the Path station struck me with this idea to peep on all the other commuters along with me and to see what their life is all about today. Some of them were running, a life of pace, few of them were eager to see what New York had in store for them today, a life of expectations and few of them like me who were drowsy and lost , trying to find out on how to spend the very next moment in life. By the time all the philosophical calculations finished up in my head , there I stand right at my Merrill Office. I wondered how life took its twists and turns and after watching "The Knowing" seems like I am on the very same lines "Everything that happens in this world has a purpose". It sounds more like a phrase stolen from the Gita , well its origin is the last thing I am interested in. Thought the question What is the purpose of my life ? That was my next thought ,climbing to the 5th floor of the skyscraper. McDonald's,KFC's,Chipotle,Ferrari,New York didn't seem to answer that question. I reached my desk, made a few phone calls and then I closed my eyes and wondered what is that I wanted the most and what is indeed the purpose of this life ? My office was empty today ,being a Saturday, and all I could hear was the humming of my computer and the ones around me, thanks to the non energy saving policy .Despite the "IT-fernece", I knew and I knew exactly what I wanted the most. I needed someone to love me. But does that answer my question ? Or rather does it help me come of this loneliness. I decided to question myself further. Love.another four letter which has no boundaries when it comes to definitions or explanations. Love , Life and then God, lets say life is the path, God your map and love is "that someone". Trust me, you wouldn't want to be on a crooked path without map being lonely.Would you ? Well that's where I was until a few weeks ago. My path so far had been an Everest climb without anyone but I always had this map with me saying take that direction-take this direction but it used to take me from one tough path to another. Intimidating !!! I always kept saying the map is incorrect and it just puts me in an even bigger mess. I never realized that the map always gave me the correct waypoints b'cas I wanted it to be "the" creamy ride and it didn't help me being alone either. Whenever someone turns up and says ok "I'll be along with you forever". I jump in joy and am like Sir Benjamin Franklin flying his kite to get struck by the love lighting. However when the path just gets too strenuous for them ,they quit,leaving me midway and there I stand all alone right in the middle of no where with nothing but tears. I kept wishing why didn't I get a better path or life so that this person stayed with me forever. Today after 25 years I realize, God has always played this game well, a bit of happiness and then an ocean of sadness and the cycle goes on.He keeps proving this point that you will get tougher and deal with sadness, and you don't get fed up with happiness either. Smart He Is !! and why I never had a someone to be with me ,who stayed long to cuddle up or hug me when I am low is b'cas He had designed the path in such a way that He wanted that someone who loves me more than I love her to join me ,one day, on this beautiful journey called life to make it our life. These days the air smells good, the sun shines brighter,the water looks calm , you would say I am in love , I call it God's Game , a game I love to play forever with "that someone". God lightens love and love colors life. Its always a God's Game , and its Great Game !!!!
- Sandy

Foucault...I am not dead!

Remembering Michael Foucault today. . . The one who said that the author is dead! And yeah I remember Ranjitha asking NS if Foucault claimed 'What is an Author' as his!! The gal sometimes hits the nail on the head! . . Of course Foucault claimed it to be his, otherwise we wouldn't know who even came up with the idea of the author being dead. Now the question is," AM I DEAD LIKE AROUND 127 TIMES? " I feel I am as alive as someone who could blog for the 128th time!I am overjoyed today cos I got the chance to write a lot 'bout and for Plath today! Last one to go on Monday and I will be done with everything! Chow!

bllllllllllllllllllllllahh. . .!

I bet the world's best lullabies cannot beat my textbooks! The moment I try reading a few lines I am already asleep like a baby! Before taking my book I am all wide awake and ready to go for it but .. . shucks. . .So disappointing.. Anyhow today's exam was good enuf..! It was yet another blazin hot day today and the metallic insides of the electric train almost cooked me up..Got bloated up with water by the time I got down at my station..! Seems its the hottest day of the month..Say I don't believe that! Freakin its like this everyday in Chennai! Felt embarrassed for not knowing French today.. Though I am happy with Indian standard, sometimes it does not give me a good feeling.. will work on that.. So what's that... rendesvouz?...de ja-vou?..voila..? bonjour?... madmoiselle?...royale..? monsieur..? merci..? surprise..? belle...? beau...? Btw this is an FYI for all those who know French to help me out okk! And frens patience is a virtue.. I have my exams goin on which is why I am not bloggin.. will get back soon..! But thanks sooo much for the mails... feels grt to know that ppl like reading my. . ahem! Chow!

At last one of the muses came to help. . .!

With Love From Cupid, through me :-). .
The dreary dawn breaks bright with your voice,
I stir up wading in pride, of my lovely choice.
Those words of love which you pour on me,
Will not touch even the fathoms of the deepest sea.
When you are not near, my heart aches in pain,
My love for you I really cannot explain.If not for you,
this world of mine would have perished,
All the special moments we share, will forever be cherished.
Gold or silver, ruby or diamond,
Will never let this love transcend,
To a world where you and I are not there,
It is said that in love everything is fair!
You are my identity and to you my soul is sold,
I will never let you go, for all the treasures of the world!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why does my soul wander for you
Why does my soul wander for you ?
Nothing but my love in every hue,
And in search for my love lyric,
Lost I am , nothing but dramatic,
Whilst many times that i miss her,
I pray God bind me to her,
Miss you is too little a phrase,
Forever will I be in your beautiful heart's space.
---------------------------------------------------

Sandy's yet another masterpiece. . . I notify that from now on this will be a shared blog space! :-)

Another moment of revelation! This time its enchanting!

Miles away may you be,
Hours away may it be,
All I see is this ship called clock,
Crawling ever so slow to every dock,
A sailor on it am I,
Waiting as ever to see her why?,
Mad is what they say I am,
I say, her love is all what I am.

Another one by Sandy! Let me notify to my readers that I share good literature! All blogs need not just be mine! Chow!

Future Continuous tense. . . An enlightenment at the right time of a looong day!!

Last evening as I walked down the road to Arena, a lot of things were up there in my mind..I did not realise that I did'nt have a morsel of food the whole day. However my legs carried me to the places where I wanted to go. I had the power point set up and I cld see that my students were restless. Lost my temper when one of them started off with the thirsty crow when I asked him to speak up! Can U imagine that..! I ask him to speak on some good stuff and he and his thirsty crow ! and the funniest part is that his version had the crow committing suicide cos of deforestation...! That was enuf for the steam to shoot up! Anyhow I had to do my job and I was teaching them tenses after a short session of blasting ! I could see that all of them were taken aback cos they had not got a taste of my temper till now! When it finally moved to what future continuous was I felt my energy was draining out. I hoped for the future and I somehow did not like the word continuous.. It seemed dragggging.. just like my life now.! I was about to give up when one of my students came up with a very motivating thingy. . .! He said," mam, can we use the word 'progressive' instead of continuous"? Lights! Camera! Action! I was energised! And I was glistening with contentment..!Boy! I loved that word and I told him yes we cld use that. He was bewildered at my response to his question! Lols! But whatever it is, 'progressive' is much better than 'continuous'. The drag is not there and I am looking fwd to it. . .freeing myself from the shackles of a dragging form of tense! Chow!

A poem descended from the heavens. . . For me, Just for me!

My Color of Love
Some say love is blind...
Blinds say "BLACK"
Some say love is beautiful..
Pagents say "SILVER"
Some say love is nature...
Ecologists say "GREEN"
Some say love is peace...
Irenologists say "WHITE"
Some say love is divine...
Priests say "GOLD"
Some say love is tough....
Lithologists say "BRoWN"
Some say love is far....
Meteorologists say "BLUE"
I say love is light....
And everyone says "Varna"

This one was written by Sandy, who is someone whom I look up to these days more than anyone else. There's a poet in you all-rounder! And I am jealous of you..But I am glad I met you in life..hmm.. so literary inclinations huh?..I'm in for a more than perfect package I guess ( wink! )...Hi fi sandy! And friends I know what you are all thinking. . .for more details contact me at varna.vjv@gmail.com. Ahem ahem..Lol! Chow!

The return of the native--- but this one, by varna...

Life... it takes you down through a maze and then finally...luck... makes U walk down this new lane.. everything is bright and cheery...twinkling and sparkling.. every sound you hear is pleasant..like the wind chimes dancing in the gentle breeze..then the waft of a completely new perfume..maybe a mix of the most exotic flowers with the most delicious fragrances in the wide world.. it melts your heart and sets your spirits soaring high..you like the way it is already set for you and you season it with what you feel will enhance it even more.. and the enriching gives you immense happiness...then you think of the hastles.. what may hinder the whole set up tat you completely enjoy wading in..u say u r in for it but u r not the only one who gets to decide that.. then there is this face and hands going pale..what if everything vanishes.. like poooof! and you have to get the whole thing done again right from the beginning..which u hate, but which you got to do, no matter what...the worst nightmare ever.. u accommodate the sights, the smells and the sounds just sooo well to ur soul and then it is just sooo difficult to let go..you are lost in some no man's land where memories haunt you....you pray hard and say to urself that all this is just a dream.. its reality that matters .. and then u pinch urself, and u feel the pinch..! You open your eyes and everything is intact...just the way you wanted it..the same sounds, the same smells, the same sights..just the way it was before you got lost in the nightmare..and you dunno what to do now cos you are so tired of the eventful experience ....u thank that buddy up there and you just collapse onto ur bed.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....the bliss of happy sleeping...Chow!