Dec 31st 2010, 4:55 am

The last day of the year 2010.. and its 5 am in the morning. Not a wink of sleep..My textbooks offer me very lil comfort. I don seem to feel the fresh breeze of the early dawn nor do i see the sunrise.. I dont know how it looks like outside but inside everything is cosy and warm.. Ammumma keeps awake and her blue eyes reflect like clear blue crystals.. The 365th day and nothing significant.. Its like another day.. I wonder how to look back at the year that went by so fast.. I never knew my wedding is already a year old.. Time flies by.... so fast. . what should I ponder?.. what has made me happy and what has made me sad?.. what were the challenging times? what exahausted me? The beginning was quite new.. I got married and then I went into another world.. I never knew life cld change so fast.. I saw hundreds of things before me and even now I am confused which one to choose.. I have been comfortable.. I have been at rest for long time. I joined b.ed and I dunno what to say about it.. I had crossed some really tough days and now I am relieved that I will make be thru somehow.. I always have.. I met new people.. found friends.. explored new avenues.. what more can I ask for.. I am thankful to god and every being on earth.. Happy New year. .

I

I am a co creator,

who completes god's creation,

I build up what was not built by HIM,

I re make what was made crude by HIM,

I am not HIS assistant, but I am the master here,

I give form and shape to his bare mould,

I nurture with care and patience,

I turn his creation into something,

that will create another thing,

And many more to follow,

I shout loud with sore throats,

and walk ahead with menstrual pain,

I dedicate my life for children,

from other mothers and fathers,

treating my own with lesser attention,

I listen to curses and put up with rebels,

whom I serve with all my blood and sweat,

Yet I stand and shout and help,

reach out, lend and forgive.

I am a teacher. . .

musings at mum's. .

After four long months of sticking close to married life today I am on leave.. In fact for the past two days I hv wound up from marital office.. Its dark and gloomy in the otherwise hot Chennai.. I wonder why nature seems to be my soul mate in everything I do..she mourns for me.. she feels happy for me.. she knows what to give me.. And she knows I love surprises.. Cosy and comfortable at mum's place I get up when I want to.. I eat food without worrying about giving it to someone else first..the best thing is i dont have to cook what i dont like..I get what I want from where I sit or sleep.. I give complete rest to my tongue and mind..I dont have responsibilities..I dont have to worry bout spilt coffee on the floor or used clothes in the bathroom..Even the ants that run a good length on the floor seem to be happy that pif paf does not come on to them..Nostalgia, one of the other things that I relish completely when I am at mum's place.. memories of how I was a sport when I had to struggle with textbooks and life.. of all the admirations and criticisms that I received.. of how i had thought that marriage would set me free( lol)

When u are a literature student u tend to be more emotional than practical.. thats the general notion.. a cliched opinion.. and how true.. I felt.. but isnt literature life? is it not teaching u what life is and how u got to learn from every experience.. be it love, or plotting, or even work. Today when I see blood relations throwing blames and curses at each other I laugh at everyone who tel me that i hv to be practical.. and by the way what is practicality? is it taking the right decision when u r in a situation? is it taking the path that will lead u to success? is it forsaking what u love and do what u ought to do to save for future generations? ( what do future generations do after us?) they learn from mama papa that they hv to save for their future by slogging all their life.. and we claim that we did all this for them to take rest and for them to stay happy..men and women!!! Human life is not like food chain..!! its not something like recycling!!.. u have it only once and live it only once.. Learn to love each other despite all setbacks and limitations.. why waste time energy and money fighting and trying to settle disputes? by the time we do that it will be time for us to hit our graves..

I have a lot of issues to confront but typing constantly on the keyboard to see magical letters and symbols springing up on computer screens can make u tired.. but let me tell you.. life without interference can be a real treat for people like me..when u want love and when u want to be left alone... often it happens topsy turvy..i have to document certain situations and how i felt when i was in them, but when i get to work i seem to forget.. i can see so many ways lying ahead but i am still standing at the beginning, still choosing which way to go, still taking time to decide the right thing.. exactly what we all are doing.. u want to close ur eyes and go one way but u think of disapproval and disappointments and frowning eyebrows and a sorry figure of yourself.. sometimes I wonder why cant the world come to a stand still and then change..., turn over a new leaf? get rid of everything artificial and stay close to the way god created it. we men and women are drifting away for no good.. its time we realise it and get back home.. ciao!!

Ki faalak...!!!

... My first international trip just ended and I am excited even now..Seems like im still smellin like an arabic.. perfumed hands and feet.. Loads of kohl in my eyes.. looking as pretty as ever for no one to see... Lol.. There was not a single day that went past without me getting dressed like a bride.. I enjoyed the stay inside but the heat outside almost blinded me.. I wonder how people work outside.. especially labourers.. For once I can say I am tired of shopping.. I went to see my aunt and uncle.. I felt gud bout it.. I always wanted to get there myself but marriage does not mean living in OC under hubby.. someone said...!!:) I saw lot of differences...Neatness.. strict rules.. easy drives.. variety.. beauty and also hardwork.. I enjoyed my 15 days stay there.. Seemed like I was a queen being attended from all sides.. Slept ate and travelled.. put on loads of weight.. Now I dont want to do anything.. just sleep sleep and sleep.. I am happy doing just that.. I loved Rahul's company.. jebel hafeet was yet another nice drive.. I learnt lil arabic.. did i hear anyone appreciate my interest???!! lol!! I missed a few things...Cld not hear gud music.. though the prayer from the masjids were music enuf.. cld not go to temples.. cld not browse my heart's content..Someone was sitting on the laptop as though he was wedded to it.. I missed him the most... ! palm trees in rows.. and full of lights... quite a sight.. !! Beauty is one thing gulf focuses on a lot..Heard it is such a waste of time and money,, and that gulf is sinking.. I enjoyed. .. Now in India I still smell like an arab..!! Ciao!!!

Married!!

When words dont seem to come to ur help then u r one among the materialists in this world, Says my conscience..!! Cos u have stopped to communicate to urself and the world!! I am , now wife, daughter in law, sis in law and all that follows the one and only" Marriage" !!!!! Its been nearly two months and I still cant face the fact that I have stepped into it!! I feel nauseated at sweetness wafting all around me.. more so with the responsibilities that I think I have to shoulder..I cant be dripping with more pride than this.. so I decided let me read my mind and ask what it wants right now .. this very second!! It says nothing!! So there ends everything.. Right now I want nothing..I pray let it be so for some more time.. Sometimes its nice to want nothing!! Ciao!