Sugar is sweet, Today was sweeter!

What's in a name?!! Similarly... What's in a date? Well , a lot of things matter when you are the centre.. when u r the foci..! Its been a beautiful day! I finally submitted my project and got the signatures that I needed.. It was like taking out this long stuck thorn from the long, slender, perfumed the jasime creepers.. I love writin but not dissect a lovely text into pieces, mercilessly, and get the analysis rejected for almost 4 times and then finally get it approved after you give up on it totally! NAAAA..That's not how it should be! However I am done with it and I was soo gladd when I got out of the office where I got the signatures!.. Not until one of my profs told me that I got a letter from the record's office and that I was into serious trouble.. In the beginning I thought it was a joke cos he was known for it but when he emphasised that I may have to get it sorted out by the HOD I got the creeps running down my spine. All the happiness that I was done with my project seemed to drift away to nowhere.. I had to collect it from one of my classmates and as she gave it to me she was full of pity for me. I decided I would face anything right upto it and opened the letter..The first few mins the letters were not there..then they appeared blurred.. I realised I was getting worked up and was reading nothing! But wait. . .! it said they were giving me a prize for academic performance!! I should have known the devils better.. be it my profs or my classmates..And then I got a call asking me to collect my cash prize for the dance I did for Entreunos '09..Whatever said and done MCC rocks! What a way of making me happy! "Lots of nice things today!!" Love you all ! Chow!

God is Good!

Last morning I happened to see the caption 'GOD IS GOOD' on one of my friend's cell phone. I wondered at the simplicity of it. Just another o added in between the word and it meant more than what it should. But I felt that shld not be on a cell phone! That fellow was pretty out of the way and I knew the caption on his fone dint mean anything to him cos he did not believe in god. 'Maybe ur mom put that for you', I thought aloud. He did not bother to answer, neither did I expect it! Today I did not go to college as i was tired for all the running I did last evening. I woke up late and thought to work on my project. I had to do the formatting and stuff and so sat before my system with my usual cup of complan! I finished it about 1:30 in the afternoon not realising it was lunch time already. I decided I would call NS and ask him if I could mail it to him. I remember he said he was leaving India for some reason and that he wont be evaluating my project and after that I don't remember a thing..until now when I just got reminded of the caption on that bugger's cell phone!! Last evening god did not let me down nor this afternoon! FREAKING HEAVENS!!!! Love you all!! Chow!

O sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. . . !

If you had put 'o saya' from slumdog Millionaire for the situation that I was in last evening it would have been perfect. What a run..a run.. AS THOUGH FOR GOODNESS LIFE! It was a usual day with a very unusual and exciting evening. I had to help sunny with his project at home and had some softwares installed in return. It was 7:30 by the time we got done with everything. Suddenly I realised Lalloo aunty was going to Kerala that night. However I assumed that she was going by the Alleppey express which left at 9"15. So I had lots of time to get to Central from Kodambakkam. I just had to board the local train and in minutes I would be at Park and then I could exchange goodbye kisses with her and be back. I decided to call her to ask if she was done with packing and stuff and freaks....she was at the station already. She told me that she was taking the Chennai Mail which was leaving at 8!!!! I glanced at my watch and it said 7:40! The next thing I did was switch off the computer and pull sunny out and ride my scooty with him to the station and then run and run and run up the stairs and down them and to the compartment of the local train. I wished I drove the train. With the maximum speed with which it went I still felt it could go faster. I prayed that the train shld be late atleast for ten mins. The irony of it! We complain if trains are late and if they are not we hv other problems! Well...I asked every other passenger what the time was on their watches a hundred times before I could get down at park. It was 7:53 when we reached park. And what did we see in front. A huge swarm of humans pushing their way through the subway to Central. We decided to use the road and ran and ran and ran. Fully drenched in sweat we reached Central after hearing a few people swear at us. It dint matter..we were in a hurry as they were. We almost got hit by a car. It dint matter. I had to see her before she left. I was feeling terribly sorry for not having called her before time. She was going to be away for almost a month or two and I did not want to miss seeing her off. Without her life at Chennai would be boring, well u wld say that if u dint have ur godmother near you! AND THEN WE HAD TO BUY PLATFORM TICKETS! 'Freaking don buy them', said sunny but I told him that we wld hv to pay a huge fine if caught without platform tickets or they wld seize our cell phones! And Sunny yielded. With two yellow tickets that saved our scell phones we ran and ran and ran towards platform 5. That was lots of metres away and with my high heeled sandals I could not run anymore. I was breathless but nevertheless seeing the train I was encouraged. But S6 was kilometres away ...It seemed it would take forever. I looked at the compartments as we ran the length of the train. Finally the maroon salwar, those bright eyes and the cheery chuckles..I saw Lalloo aunty! She was taken aback but I could see that she was happy though others thought I was out of my minds. I spoke to her for exactly four mins and the train pulled away. . . I sunk..Those four mins were valuable and all the running was worth it! Now I miss her! Thanks to you sunny for being my running partner! Chow!

Opinions. . .

Some tell me join..Some tell me not to join..Some tell me study...Some tell me work..Some tell me work and study..Some tell me to break the rules..Some tell me hit it of against all odds..Can i think for god's sake..! I feel I need a change but now Im in a trance, with opinions bombarding from all sides.. So its decision making big time these days.

Interview at Dhaanish engg college!

Today I had gone to padappai to Dhaanish ahmed engg coll to attend an interview for the post of english lecturer and what a way of getting through.. There was a very formal interview and I was asked to do a presentation and I did what best i cld do. And then came the question of the year! They asked me when I was getting married! Are u engg colls kidding me?!! And then they asked me why teaching and not any other profession!..what a stupid question.. I pray for the future of Engg colleges! The place was good and the students looked at me as though I was some new student gone there to join..! That was fun...! I was challenging everyone mentally to try messing up with me so that they will get it from me later when they realise I am their mam! I enjoyed the bus ride to Padappai. Just in front of the coll there is a lake and the atmosphere was serene. I got appointed but my syndicate has advised me not to based on career prospects so i don think I will be taking it up. I learnt that its easy to get through engg coll interviews and become a lecturer for good if you knew when you will marry and why you choose teaching of all other professions!

The quest. . .

Today I asked my prof in class whether it is important to belong? And if i do not have a sense of belonging and Im comfortable with it is it some abnormality? Its not a question of natural or unnatural, its about finding your roots.. As far as i know i cant find my roots unless i live for more than 22 yrs in kerala, which is IMPOSSIBLE! I dont care where I belong or to whom I belong until im comfortable with ppl and the surroundings. Chow!

I long to Belong. . .

Today I wanted to run away from the world that I did not belong to but I could not. The frustration went deep inside me, as though I had swallowed a not fully-charred wood. The extremes of dramatic traits cld not be put aside though I wld love to do that the first thing in life! I could not sit, stand or do anything productive and that put the nails against the two sides of my head. If you think I was under depression you are wrong! I was simply angry! I was reading the Hairy Ape by Eugene O Neill in class today and found myself belonging to the world of the gorilla there. I wanted a gorilla to crush me, crush me to death with all its love. I know Yank wld have felt the sense of belonging at last and I await such a thing! It's not easy to live without a sense of belonging! But the question is who are you? Who am I? Where do u really belong? Chow!

Listen, to the hard prayer . . .

A prayer sent through speed post,
And then taken to in person,
Hard prayer, not gentle so that he can just smile on it,
And run away for good,
Pestered, coaxed, bulllied, ragged,
Slaundered, pelted, ridiculed, stuffed,
And then torn apart both by words and actions,
He could not just smile at the hard prayer,
You make me write a poem about it,
And you think you are done with it,
But that's when things begin,
Until you send them down your throat,
Your intestines, and the sweaty ends of your palms.
Glistening spirit, that sticks and never lets you go,
Loved, Condemned, scorned, beat,
Overflowing with the memories,
A horrid world that you never want to belong to,
But that's where you belong,
Biter truth, It holds you down,
So that you fall plop,
twice on the floor, when you try to get up in the morning!
The green grapes that my daddy gave this evening,
Glistening spirit, that quenched the thirst,
but wrought the soul with the fire of a thousand logs,
The stealthy glances that she gives,
Thinks that I dont notice it,
Thine eyes are more stealthy, I laugh aloud,
You have two options, listener of the hard prayer,
Either take me to the world when I did not know that the red liquid was blood or . . .
Grey me overnight. . . . . . .

I belong there. . . An Expedition to the real world. . .

Today was a beautiful day! The climate was just perfect for a tour around the city..It was as though the sun refused to come out to the sky in shame for the blaze it spread for the past few days. And so Chennai was like heaven today.. A tuesday. . A holiday for miladi-un-nabi. . .For me it was pre planned by some merciful force just for me to set about on an expedition.. .An expedition that I always longed for. . I was tired of writing my assignment again for the second time..I was awake the whole night in fact and woke up late ...But my spirits were high. . I wanted to spend my day exploring some rural side of chennai and that's how I got myself on train with a friend to Chengelpet...The climate was aweome amd as the train pulled from one station to another my excitement rose like that of a kid's! Palm trees in rows, vast stretches of green lands, villagers playing cards in the orchards, children fishing in the ponds, teenagers playing cricket in the uneven open stretch of lands, huge hills coming along with the train, an overcast sky. . all these exotic elements were just what i wanted to relieve me off the pressure and stress I was in.. Thanks to the quiet companion who only responded to my childlike excitement and allowed me my time and space to enjoy the journey! The huge lake at Chegelpet was worth loads of admiration ..The deep waters with the still flow and the canopies that floated along here and there was a spectacle! The cool breeze to carry away all negative feelings was an added essence! While returning I had another companion sitting just opposite to me in the train who played my favourite songs on his cell phone.. We did not have a conversation but somehow all the tracks he played blended well with the climate and the journey, as though I had demanded it. What else did I need for a wonderful day! God's creation. . His plans. . .Ella pugazhum iraivanukke! Chow!

Great Expectations...But this time not by Charles Dickens!

Imagine you sit all through the night to write a twelve page assignment putting your heart, blood and soul into it to impress the tough guy who is your guide.. In the process you almost fall over your study table a number of times but your determination is extremely powerful and you fight the sleep that climbs over you each second..You forsake everything like hunger, thirst and everything else vital to keep u alive and finally when you are done with it you beam with joy..with satisfaction that you did justice to it. You look at the world outside as you sip the last ounce of water from your water bottle on the study table to ease you and through your window you see the whole world sleeping while you are up and you have just finished an assignment that consists of twelve page of pure hardwork, committment and originality ( I will use such big words, I am entitled to do so! ) And the next day you jump about in joy thinking that its all over and then this tough guy finds some fault or the other with it right from the first page till the last page and asks you to re-do it from the beginning! Well..life can't get worser! hope that teaches you a lesson as it did to me! Freakin hell guys...! This is the fourth time..And I guess I will still keep counting till the semester ends! Sigh! Im off to sleep..Chow!

Turning all official!!!

I did my own powerpoint presentation today..Feels great..I wonder what my students will think of it tomo..Hope to see them enjoy it..Im tired of using the marker and the board so thought to switch over to this mode!.. I will be going for invigilation very soon for the diploma students..Their exams begin next week..I set the question paper for them and I love the idea that everything is under my supervision..My project is still not taking shape but I hope to do something serious about it..! Oh by the way I am scripting something for one of my profs at college too..Helped Lalitha mam with her speech at the rotary club..And I'm gonna sing for a programme in the mid week of march..Got an offer for being a lecturer at an engineering college ...I am proud of myself for being involved with all this and so I have something to hold on now.. That is all I need..Something to hold on..! Chow!

Totally Solutionless . .

When you cannot give back the love that you recieve from your loved ones what do you do? Sometimes you are born with the insensitive nerve and there is no point in trying to change cos you cannot change what was bestowed on you when you were just a developing embryo in your mother's womb...There has been no history of anyone succeeding against the law of nature. It does not really matter to you till you become an adult and you realise the truth... when things go wrong at home and parents give in, to make children happy, they think they have allowed the children to triumph..The children when they find themselves being loved incessantly even after being the cause of so much disturbance find themselves groping with the passive silence and the willing resignation of the parents along with their lovely treatment in order to make up for the child's anger. This can ruin the child's self confidence of being able to love its parents. The child feels that it is not capable of giving back even a quarter percent of what it recieves. This can be soul wrecking for the child though parents do not want or expect anything back! But from the viewpoint of the parents it can be justified that they are doing the right thing. That's what they are cut out for..for pouring love onto their kids, not expecting anything in return. It gives much pain to them when they see that their child is not turning towards them even after showing so much love. This clash is prevalent in almost all households but the sad fact is that there is no solution for this. But its completely normal, so dont screw up your lives guys! This is for all those who cried to me last evening!! Ok ok. . .don give me that look. I just did not find anything to blog on. Joblessness at its heights! Chow!