A Theerthayaatra. . .

Today it was an ebbing of sadness within me...As i walked home from college i found myself drifting away from the reality of this world..Where was i and what was i doing amidst all these thousands of people who are trying to rob me of my life?! It was time i travelled alone using no tickets..at no costs..without limits...without boundaries..with only the end in mind. At first i felt like flinging the chalangai that i took out after months..dust had gathered on it and the leather had almost torn off symbolising the many performances i gave..the redness of the althaa was on the belts which was a mark of my anxiety before a performance..the anxiety to be the best..the cynosure amongst all..How foolish i had been to think of my knowledge in complete ignorance??!! the tinkle of the four rows of heavy bells seemed to echo the past into me. It resonated the humiliation i suffered with a smile on my lips and a tune in my tongue. It resonated the hardwork and love which got rejected at the fraction of a second on that horrible day..But when i weighed it in my hands i felt the relationship not letting me go..! How could this old affair be renewed? What would it think of me who once abandoned it and set out to face the world in a mood of frenzy? And the irony of it..did the vent help? Did i feel satisfied? Did i feel at ease? I realised that the grip held stronger on me after abandoning and i guess it happens with every relationship in this world..provided its true love..attachment..committment devoid of the limits of time, space, influence, age and new entries. Tightened by the knots of this affair and not being able to withstand the choking i decided i must give in..a total submission..a complete surrendering of the body, mind and soul. For i knew i could not breathe anymore without it..The foot hit the ground but this time not with arrogance instead it was with humility seeking the apologies and blessings of Bhoomi devi . The jathis seemed to render to me a different kind of a revelation..The art form triumphed and set its power on me in full control..The sweat dripped moistening every dry cell and tissue in me ..I loved the new dampness..It was meaningful and energising..a refreshment from the mundane activities that i tried engaging myself in, all these days. The pushpanjali, the alaarippu, the krishna padam, the natesha kauthuvam, the jatiswaram, the shiva thaandavam, the varnam, and the surutti thillana..It was a feast to the mind and soul and body..It was a rejoicing to them, an experience of turning over a new leaf..Now the tears welled up..for which i had been struggling for seconds, days, weeks and for months. The rasas took control of my heart, which was all these days, only a pump to set to work a lifeless machine. The emotions sringara, karuna, bheebadsa, bhayanaka, roudra, hasya, veera, adbhuta and shaanta passed to me the rope to pull at a new life, with ease and with happiness and satisfaction. At last i fell to the floor and got up with new crutches, that were invisible to this world! I had gone on a theerthayaatra. . .