Epiphany..once again. . .

And so for the umpteenth time in my life i have forsaken what i wanted though it sounded stupid to everyone and even the person concerned..Not for my sake but for people around me and i am still trying to find out the logic behind it as i always used to do when i used to give up my little wishes in life..For those who are wondering what this is all about Just FORGET IT! I am born with certain instincts and emotions which shows up when situations demand them however hard i try to repress or supress them. After all not anybody else can be me. It it were like that, i would have sought solace in that somebody by sharing my identity, particularly he negative one. I am happy that i can sleep peacefully with the guitar, dance classes, story writing work shops, outings when my mood goes phttttt, etc ..All these hovering about my head when i sleep and when i wake up to reality i will feel happy that i passed a whole night! I now find the difference between existing and living..I now understand what a room of my own and a field of my own means..I now understand what it is to forsake your own choices not only at the expense of my own suffering but others too and what it means to a lot of others..I now understand what it feels like hugging the teddy that someone special gifted you and what amount of comfort that lifeless thing can give you despite having human beings around..I now understand what it is to be the youngest and the favourite of the family..I now understand how nice it would be to take off to a no man's island..I now understand the pangs of being weak and passing it on to someone who cares for you..All this does not matter.. do they? If it matters it is only to myself and i now understand that i have no one else other than me to take care of me..love me truly..be affectionate..take me out, and fulfil my wishes. I find myself to be comfortable with me today..i love myself..call it narcissism...self love..selfishness..whatever you want to..Atleast i am not the cause for someone to be disgusted..am i? Now that's what i call a true epiphany! A big sorry..days wil pass..believe me they wil just pass if u be happy with things hovering bout ur head while u sleep..Dreams are not so expensive as feelings .and the best part is no one will know bout it. . Chow . .