Again, after a brief silence I’m back here to talk about how sometimes we can be away from home in a better land with better prospectives  and security, yet one’s extreme attachment to one’s home can make it very overwhelming in the new land. In the last eight years of my life in Canada I have mustered up all my energy and worked hard, in fact very very hard to be strong and identify myself as one among the millions of immigrants that have been lucky to have packed up their bags and come away to a foreign land and life has been so good to them. It is very surprising how the mind holds a very strong grip on oneself  with regard to one’s lifestyle because I have realized that you may think that your principles and the way you think your life should go holds  you in control and would negate any other external influence more than anything else, however the mind is the most powerful being which can  show you the stop sign just when you are not about to expect it. There has been a lot of discussions about going back home and settling down as a family although we have pretty much settled down in Canada and it has offered us the best atmosphere possible both financially and socially. I have sometimes thought that it was one of my shortcomings  that I am not able to get over my attachment towards my homeland and that whatever I feel about not being able to identify myself with the new land is just one of the setbacks which I should try and work upon and change. However as I’m ageing and as I’m going forward with my work with my family with my baggage  of emotions I feel that  The very fact that I have not been able to conquer over my homesickness in such a long time itself speaks about how the new land has not been convincing to keep me cosy and warm like home. There were many times when I have felt that if we are not able to adapt ourselves to a new situation then we are denying ourselves  ourselves of the potential to progress as an individual and it would be difficult in the long run if at all there arises an unavoidable situation where we have no choice but to adjust and adapt in a given situation. After browsing through millions of web pages devoted to nri’s who did go back home after a dissatisfied foreign land experience and a million conflicts within me , I have really let go off this .. time will decide .. and my life has always given me best surprises right when I needed them! Although all these conflicts keep coming into my head I have always tried to put a smile on my face and try to put others happiness before mine and trudged  along keeping my thoughts to myself.
Today I sit reflecting how time and marriage, motherhood, career and everything else that people claim helps us to be a fulfilled person has really put me in a spot. This life is such a mystery !